For me the rewards of sobriety, or being clean, both for me really have evolved over the years. When I was first in the program, I was overwelmed and quite disinterested, but not bitter. I participated and when I left, I went about my life. My problems were with mood and thought disorders. I spent years going to meeting just for the feeling after a meeting. Like releif or less lonely, I'm not sure. Being disabled at the time, for me, was a lonely and boring life. Meetings were the highlight of my days, many times. I was rehabed in 1988 and never read the entire AA book until 2010. I think that should say something about my interest level in sobriety. Truth is, I've never been a daily drinker. In high school, I never knew a dealer, I always went through somebody who would go through somebody for pot and other stuff + booze. I was never a daily drinker or user then either. My first semester in college, in 1986, my roomate was a dealer of a "hard" drug. He gave me the drug, free of cost. Still, I wasn't a daily user, but I was using more frequently and the drug was dangerous also. I think a lot of folk who use this drug can afford some "down" time to recover and go on with life, relativly unaffected. I did not enjoy this luxury. I was confused before and this drug sealed my fate for about a decade. I saw the world from a very different perspective than how it is usually seen in mainstream america. Sobriety for me means that I can deal with my emotional and thought issues without drugs and alcahol making my situation worse. Also, I feel I can be a good example to others in similar situations and for kids growing up around me. I've overcome a lot of obstacles just to be an effective husband and step-dad and worker. I can give my opinion about political stuff sometimes also. I can have good conversations that sometimes involve laughter. I can read books sometimes and practice and perform my nylon string guitar, that I enjoy also. I used to be indifferent towards drugs and alcahol until I saw the effect that it had on my step-son when my wife and I had a relativly small pot habit for a few years. He felt betrayed. I've never felt so guilty in my life. I saw myself also. Kinda like a forgoten child, that I was, became embodied in my step-son. I relived the betrayal I felt when I was young. The one thing that gave me some releif from my guilt was the fact that I owned my error and was there to help him heal. It was like I healed myself, a bit, also. I thank my higher power, it did for me what I couldn't do for myself. Wow!