emptyspace: Sorry but you're wrong this time. I already have my T's approval. I wish she would agree that I look bad; she's always honest with me. If I send her the photos I hate, I would be upset if she didn't agree with me, at least to say they are unflattering. Then I can discuss why it bothers me so much to look that way. This issue is not about wanting something from my T. It's about my feelings about the way I look and not wanting to look like that!

I do agree with you that I am curious about why I judge others so unfavorably. I think it's a "first impression" kind of thing. When I get to know someone, their appearance doesn't matter anymore. I still think my T is too thin, but it doesn't affect me like it used to. But the way I judge people does bother me so it's worth discussing though it's hard to admit. I think it's something I want to explore. If Yalom can admit his reaction, so can I!

I don't know if I can respond to everyone. The replies are kind of sad, to know that so many of us think we're ugly in appearance. I'm glad I have a woman T; I could never talk about it with a man but I can tell my T anything. This thread gives me an incentive to do so. I started the subject in an email already.

I am starting to dislike Yalom more than I already do. A T shoudn't admit something like that. Reminds me of when my former dermatologist looked at me with an expression of disgust. I know it was there. I changed drs., not just for that reason, but I never forgot that look.

This is a sad thread. I have actually been crying because of the struggles we go through. I wish this hurt and bad feeling about ourselves would go away. Just feeling really sad for us.

T's have reactions. They are human. They don't tell you they think you are fat or ugly, but they may think it. Your chart probably says something about your weight and appearance.

It used to be thought that only young, intelligent people would be good clients for psychodynamic therapy because they would likely have the ability to self-assess and work through to gain the insight needed to heal. Young and intelligent is an assessment and the judgment of the T.

This is a business and the point is to keep the customer happy, which means a good therapeutic relationship. So a T would never tell you something like Yalom mentions in his book, to your face, but they sure as heck think it. They are human.

Negative countertransference exists as well. T's should evaluate it, but it exists for a reason.

Is it possible that Yalom is a jerk?