Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys
How do you know (in your personal experience) when you're switching? I ask this because in my past I've mostly been dealing with "blackouts". No memory of anything during the switch. Over the last few years (with a little help from a t for a couple of months) the blackouts have decreased.
I feel like a completely different person. I look in the mirror and "that's not me!". This happens very often. For hours to days at a time. Than I have the spacey thing. Where I feel like I'm being pulled back and away from my body and everything around me. Everything gets quiet, far away, I can't feel anything. Typically I snap myself back into it once I realize it's happening. I've said and done things during these spacey episodes that I don't have any knowledge of doing, I could see it but only barely while it was going on.
I'm thinking about NOT snapping back in. Maybe letting the distance take over and see where that takes me? Perhaps I can go within and make my own little world like others say they do... I just wouldn't know where to begin with that. Either way, what's it like to switch for anyone? I'm just not sure where I'm at right now and I'm not sure how to tell if I'm switching or not... Thanks for any replies. Sorry it's so long, I really did try to make it as short as possible 
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purpleflyingmonkeys -
everyone who has DID has their own way of switching. what it feels like depends on how they are switching.
examples of what my own switching felt like before I was integrated -
turning into the mattress - I would feel the same way a mattress feels - hard, springy, with layers of hay and cloth over me.
turning into the wall - I would feel how ever the wall was if the wall was plain white I felt like I had a coat of white paint all over me and hard like the wall, if the wall was plain or paneled wood I would feel like the bark of a tree hard with lots of slivers and folds to protect me.
how did I know that I was switching, I didnt until after I had been diagnosed and then had years of therapy learning how to pay attention to how I was feeling. after that it was easy. my human body is soft and smooth not hard, springy, wooden, with slivers.
After I was integrated I have many other dissociation symptoms too that go with my having depersonalization like those you describe.
that said -
you have posted in the past about many problems that could be contributed to everything you posted above.so Im not surprised you dont know how you are dissociating and whether your symptoms are dissociation or not.
unfortunately because all the different things you have posted about, could be the cause of whats going on for you. there is no way to know how you are dissociating and what it feels like. the only way you are going to be able to figure this all out is with the help of doctors that can help you get the physical problems under control so that they can be weeded out as being the cause of how you are feeling and a therapist or psychiatrist that can help you get a handle on the mental side of things. with all your other problems managed and taken care of you will be able to differentiate between what problems are your health and other problems and which ones relate to your dissociation problems. then it will be clear to you how you are dissociating and how it feels for you.
keep looking for those treatment providers.