That's so true. Thank you for putting that thought together for me. What you say brings something to mind.

Another trigger warning..........

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My dad had a sick sense of humor at times.
He would also chase us around the dining room table with a belt threatening to hit us with it. He would laugh and my mom would stand there. At one point I decided I was done being chased and because I wasn't willing to play the game my dad lost interest in chasing me however he still had my older brother to chase. I would laugh too at my older brother as his fear was funny at that moment???? (I look back at the movie in my head and I feel so sad for my brother and angry at my father). At some point it was no longer funny to me and felt so wrong. I feel guilty as hell for laughing at first. In that 'game' my father never actually hit us but he knew we knew what he was capable of. My mother forbid him from 'spanking us'. I witnessed by ear a spanking of my older brother. It was really a beating. I seriously don't remember what happend to my brother for a week after that incident. I think it hurt for him to sit down. It haunts me today. He was only 5 and it was because I told on my brother for doing something wrong. I then learned it was best to be silent.

And yet in some sick way my father loves me? He doesn't beat us anymore as we are all adults. I don't think he's all bad? but the bad part I surely don't like!

Sorry for the downer of a post just processing.