Actually, I suppose I'm on a 'forced backoff' at the moment. He's off on holiday for 4 weeks. Lots of reflection happening right now given how much I'm posting on the topic. However the thought of leaving him for an extended period terrifies me. I thought he was trying to fire me at one point (figures - happened on a Friday afternoon) and I spent the next two days freaking out. I started getting so paranoid, thought my kids' T had pressured him to fire me, among other things. So, clearly I still have some kind of attachment to him. I have no other support systems, I suppose that comes into it. Just me, myself and I. And I have to factor in the fact that I can't get my ex to sign divorce papers is probably contributing in large measure to my lack of progress in therapy. It's akin to 'Can a terrorist's prisoner heal while she is still held captive?' So I have to remind myself that merely surviving is probably the best I can hope for until I get the source of my ongoing CC-PTSD resolved (my made up term for Current Complex PTSD).