Hello,

I carefully read your post, and I think it's wonderful you took the time to express yourself instead of doing something self-destructive. Oh my, your husband, well... there aren't words for that and so I won't go there. (Definitely go there with the counselor though) All I can really say is, I am so sorry... no one should have to go through such an experience and you never did anything to deserve that. HE is responsible for HIS behavior. I'm just sorry that HIS behavior necessarily affects your life.

You were wise to make the appt with the mental health counselor, but yes, you need a lot of support right now - you have been through so much in your young life. It sounds like you could benefit a lot from a support group, simply because being with people who share the same thoughts and struggles in a group makes it more "real" than being online, and I want you to have that experience of being understood. It's hard to be alone with your brain. Too many thoughts, many of them negative. I like that you said "help me help myself." See? You know exactly what you need - not a crutch, but a springboard.

I'm not a pharmacologist, but it sounds like your serotonin/norepi is giving you a run for your money. You need to make sure you find some help for the binge eating, because it's going to exacerbate the mood fluctuations. Please don't let thinking of it as a personal flaw stand in your way. Binge eating has NOTHING to do with "willpower." I mean, could we please banish the word "willpower"from the dictionary?

I wish I could take away your suicidal thoughts - getting online was a terrific idea. For me, it helps me to answer other people's posts. I don't know, it's like a dear-abby gene or something. It always makes me feel happier to know I could reach out to someone. Sure I have good, close friends who wouldn't mind if I called at 3:03 am - I just don't want to wake them up!

This WILL get better, with time and lots of hard work with a counselor and supportive people on and offline. You are a thinker - I know that you just work those suicidal thoughts over like a pat of dough. So my primary advice would be to put your analytic brain on hold when you catch yourself in suicidal mode. Good grief, I have lots to say, but I don't want to start the Gettysburg address here! LOL... just hang in there - you really ARE doing so much better than you think. I'm impressed, quite frankly. And I am SO proud of you for not giving into the temptation to self-harm. AWESOME!!!!!!