Over the holidays it all started when my daughter that lives in Texas wrote on my facebook page that she's angry because I gave up on her when she was a teenager putting her in foster care and how she would never do that to her daughter. I have 2 grandchildren (one girl and one boy) that I haven't ever seen except on facebook. They are so adorable but I get so sad. Sometimes I want to erase them but once in a while she'll throw me a bone and I'm delighted. It feels kinda pathetic. I don't want to sit here and accuse her or judge her because I love her and I want to be open to allowing her to come to me when she's ready but it's so hard. It's driving me crazy at times. Everyday she's in my thoughts and I want her to be able to call when she wants or needs. She was diagnosed with bipolar with psychotic features when she was little and her behavior became so out of control no one could control her. She went through more foster homes than I have shoes and I love shoes. She became a threat to society at a young age, it was sad. I tried so hard to get all of the best help and therapy and then I lived in a place that I wasn't able to bring her back home again even if I'd wanted. My heart hurts and it makes me cry so much. I just want the best for her and her children and they look happy but when I hear others talk about their kids or grand kids I get jealous. This is usually what starts my depression all over again. I kind of stay to myself instead, which I'm sure doesn't help either. I think it's time for me to rethink this though and begin to get out of my funk. I'm just not sure where to start. It's a scary thing to let people in and really let them care.