The "stand" of the tide is a good analogy for my sobriety. That brief period when the tide is neither ebbing nor flooding. I don't feel any of the richness of life at the moment, though the promise is as close at hand as low-hanging grapes. More often than not, it feels as distant as the moon. One's 40s are supposed to be a rich time in the grand scheme of life but I have seldom feel thus, now nearly two years into that grand decade. One knows intuitively where bliss is to be found-in love, in literature, in music and travel-and the means are there but where is the volition? Sobriety, even my hard-earned sobriety-feels like a small, shallow victory at present-L. Cohen's "cold and very broken halleluliah."