I have difficult with relationships with people, always have and i think with being 25 and having issues with breaking this I think it is just something with me.

Yes I can tend to meet people, they think I am nice, and get a long, joke around, so on.. (most people do not see that my laughter in some ways is my anger release or my uncertainty of myself- so I will admit with some of my issues I guess I deceive/make an illusion to people with how I know to cope at times.. not saying it is the best coping method)..

My issue is with my self with other people- I am not always out right mean to others (that can be rare with the ones I don't know well), I try best not to do the behind the back talk (if i ever do it is with my closes person with me that usually gets me in some way- these days it is my boyfriend as like when I 16 to 21 it was my best bud that i hung out with that we were very similar in ways and would bring up this topic as well- we never found a solution).

It is more of an internal conflict with people and relationships for me but it is in ways dealing with others around me.

I always come back at some point of "No one really likes me" I even do it here on PC- and no that is not a cry out for whatever- It is expressing that I even do this with strangers that i really don't know, and probably should not take to heart.

I find that this blocks me from getting close to people- Yes I have a boyfriend, however it took years for me to tell him that i liked him, then about another year for the both of us to be like ok let's give this a try-And not only that- A connection- Some how I read him right, he is like me... I made a promise to myself that with my boyfriend with our relationship I would try my damnedest to be more open with him than anyone in the past, and to talk to him and communicate-- I have been doing ok with that so far.

It is partially turmoil for me with this- Meaning I can make myself just so chaotic in my head with thoughts and analyzing others words, actions and conversations and trying to find the true meaning of their words. I have distrust in people as well (know that is due to upbringing but I can't seem to shake that off)

Those are other reason why I block people as well... I know i like to say I like * I poke people with a stick (which I was sadly told the other day that is not the correct phrase to use for how I feel- I always thought it was, for that is what I feel I am doing guess anger with me so poke, poke get back is how i see it....) so I guess I need to change that to putting people on a ten foot pole....

And I do the classic whatever--- Sometimes I will run my mouth for a few days with people-- What i mean by that is go chatty and talk with them and like; gasp almost like friends-- then I feel odd, and I feel like I exposed myself and I go and hide again...

I have done this for as long as I remember... and it is hard to stop it.

I just wonder if anyone has been like this and has actually broke through with the issue of it.

best wishes all- thanks for reading