This is a real sore spot for me. Almost all of my life I have been criticized for some part of my physical appearance. My hair was too thick, my teeth were really crooked, I was too skinny (or too fat), etc. I carried a lot of that criticism with me, so even when I was really pretty I was still very self-conscious and felt ugly. I know why I instantly judge people on their appearance--it makes me feel less inferior. Now that I'm at the heaviest weight that I've ever been it is even worse. My husband likes to take pictures of me because he thinks I'm beautiful. I see them and I want to throw up.

I brought up my appearance at the beginning of T but I think we both realize that my self-hate is a deeper issue, and simply going on a diet, getting more exercise, and wearing braces just isn't going to cut it. I need to lose weight for health reasons but I have no desire to exercise or diet. The last time I did I was doing really good and my ex-fiance said, "You're not doing it for me, so why should I care?" That pretty much shut me down right there. Even though he's gone from my life (good riddance), I still remember that remark. It was just another part of the abuse.

Thanks to all of you who honestly answered. Even though I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, I'm kind of relieved to see other people who struggle with the same things.