I started self harming some months ago. It got so bad I was doing it maybe 6-8 times a day. I told my close friend, and another who I know. Her reaction scared me aaaand she wouldn't stop crying. But I couldn't stop.

My school found out after teachers started to notice me being depressed and saw my cuts. Then in PE people started looking at me so I am sure they noticed. :/ school told my mum, and I feel like crap, because she cares about me...but won't help me (I've been asking to see a psychiatrist for 3 years, since I was just 11). I do this because I feel alone. I feel like I can't relate to anyone in this stupid world. Hell, I don't even feel human. I have most symptoms for Schizophrenia and OCD. I stopped SI for over a month until today. I told someone I am SURE i have schizophrenia and OCD (everyone who i talk to online about it agrees/online doctors tell me it too) and I thought she cared, I thought she understood because she also used to self harm. But I was wrong. She ignores me. Doesn't even acknowledge my existence. Everyone thinks I am fine. School stopped talking to me. I PROMISED my mum I would NEVER do it again. Now I feel terrible. But i don't want to stop, I can't. I can't even tell the difference between reality and fantasy. There is no hope in anything anymore, I can't trust ANYONE. I am dying more inside everyday. But I can't talk to anyone, because I can't trust them. I am so lonely, I never leave the house because of my paranoia. I live in my own world constantly. I don't even like my friends anymore...how horrible is that. I don't deserve the people I have.

I feel like ending it. But I can't do that to my parents. Then I remember that noone cares about me, and would forget me within about a day. They would forget about me. THEY ALL HATE ME. They are talking about me behind my back and can all read my mind. I hate them all. I hate myself. I hate this world I am stuck in. I want to go back to my home planet.

Btw, I am 15. Thanks for reading.