Quote:
Originally Posted by lastyearisblank
Btw I will preface this saying that I invest a lot in my friendships and we have been friends for 13 years... this is a friend that no matter what she needs I try to be there for her and she says I am the "best" friend she has. I really want to maintain this friendship but don't know how to strike a balance btween being nice and speaking up.
I am really having a problem with how my friend treated me and at the same time I feel GUILTY. I have similar problems with a lot of people usually based on me overextending myself and then feeling mad other people don't do the same for me.
Lately my friend has had a lot of success in work and poor experiences in dating. Me and my boyfriend spent a lot of time with her this week consoling her for a bad date that she had with a dude she was obsessed with.
She kept saying, "I'm pretty and I go to X school why doesn't he like me!" And my and my boyfriend supported her.
Meanwhile I am really hurting b/c I have decided not to apply to X school and to follow a less traditionally success-driven path for my PhD in a field more suited to my interests, and my friend keeps saying I am "letting myself down" and that "friends don't let friends take the easy route." She is way into titles and this is a quality we have shared until recently. I am really worried she is going to reject my friendship over this. She has also told me my boyfriend sure is cute, handsome and nice but "am I sure he will provide a good life for me." I was really hurt, and am not really sure where my own boundaries lie in that respect.
I was really upset especially today because we were supposed to have dinner before she leaves to go back home but she rescheduled it 2x over the past 2 days.... she has been awol... and then I find out on FB that she and a different guy that I have been encouraging her to date went to a movie with some of our friends and that's why she cancelled. And we had talked about going to see that movie!!!!
I feel so so hurt right now and don't know how to manage this. I was supposed to go over to her rental appartment and pick up the clothes she borrowed from me for New Years but I just called her and said "keep them" because I don't even want to see her before she goes. And she said, "is everything ok?"
Help me get a grip, PC!!! I don't want to be anyone's emo friend but I feel very sad right now, like my friend is rejecting me for my choice of boyfriend and job. How can I stop these thoughts?
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I agree with the other replies that your feelings are valid. I would be upset and hurt, too. I would confront her about the cancellation of plans and be honest about your feelings...
As for her judgmental statements about your relationship and educational choices...it's none of her business. Of course, sometimes it's hard not to be personally affected by things our friends say. I think sometimes people who are insecure about themselves project this onto others to feel better- not to put a judgment on your friend, but this has been my experience. It sounds like your choices (PhD program) are the best for you right now, and that you're happy with your relationship--and perhaps she is jealous of that since she hasn't had luck with dating...so she made a statement like that to make herself feel better about her situation.
I wish you the best with this situation. It sounds like it is worth it to try and patch it up. However, I have learned that sometimes we have to let people go in our lives when we outgrow friendships or they no longer contribute positively to our path..best of luck!