I understand both sides.

With my first two therapists, I let it all hang out. I didn't care what they thought. I wanted help.

With current T, I didn't "care" so much at first, but I was burying issues from my own view in the beginning. She told me many times she didn't see the disorders I was once diagnosed with. Once she got me to "open up" to her, I started worrying about what she thought because I got that false hope we would be friends once we were done.

As of today, I'm still afraid of what she thinks, because last session, she suggested I see someone else. I understand she brought it to the table because of her own behavior as well as mine. She "punished" me (my perception) by taking away email privileges, even though she explained she was doing it because she thought having that privilege was hurting rather than helping me. It's going to take a session or two to sort this all out. I don't want her to abandon me now, but I know it's essential that I "be me" to get better.