Not certain if I should update and keep this thread to stay alive...noticed that many people have read it without adding replies... maybe if I continue writing my thoughts I can help someone else? If you think I should stop updating, please PM me and let me know.

With reluctance, but knowing it to be the truth - I admit that I am an alcoholic. (takes a deep breath, grabs a kleenex, another deep breath).

I am powerless over alcohol. One drink is too many, but 1000 drinks is not enough.

My life is unmanageable and I am reminded of that every day by my spouse and son. Sure, " I function" in some parts of my life. I go to work and do my job. At least it appears I do. Yet I know that I'm not doing my best and am losing control over my ability to convey a positive attitude with my co-workers. Do they see that? Probably. But no one has called me out on it - YET.

Once I am back at home I no longer function. I just get lost and stop myself in my tracks because I lock myself up in this rut of drinking.

So, where to go from here? First, I have to stop drinking. I don't think I can do that with willpower alone, so I will be asking my doctor next week to prescribe Ativan. Edit - Oops! spouse just told me that I should ask for Antabuse. When I told that to my son, his response was that he hoped I would drink something while on it and experience the awful side affects. And if you wonder whether that is supportive - it is! I am not angry or bothered by his response - because he is now 2 months sober and I see how much better his life is already!