- and what I am letting, allowing, them to do to me.

I read some threads here and yes, gotta admit, I have enjoyed smoking, I have needed it, I light up just by habit ... or is it the nico every 20 minutes like they say..

They say you have to be ready to do whatever it takes. I understand hitting bottom, I have before.

I look around my home and imagine myself having fits of anger and throwing things staying quit - I don't really want to - but I would have to be willing to do whatever it takes! -

My kids are out of the house, so it would often be a battle with myself, w/o affecting anyone else, you know? Seems like the *perfect* time to quit, to deal with this -

Quit for a year awhile back. A crisis happened, and I went back, and have only gotten a few days or two weeks in before crashing and burning ...

I don't want to affect anyone else in this!! I don't want to be mean to anyone b/c of my battle!

I KNOW I would need a constant source of support - they have those now, don't they - hotlines and things?

When I quit before, I had the support of a very active online stop smoking board. And instant messaging ... at that time it was a real decision to quit. I remember my first post - "I just put down the cigarettes and picked up a patch." I was determined and that made it doable ... and lots of people in the same place.. but I really really wanted it.

Anybody familiar with the program probably understands "I want to want to quit."

I'm at the 'want to.' I'm at the 'I'm so frightened silly at what I will become if I will quit!!!' I'm like, I DON'T WANNA GO THROUGH THAT MONTHS OF AWFULNESS

Yeah, simple but not easy. Just don't bend the elbow ....

that's the end of my rant for now lol