this was a control issue I think he may have treated you that way because it is the only thing he knows. When I cam back I had that same attitude. the problem is you are not in the military you are a women, that has feeling being human is important. I was nonhuman for a long time when I stopped drinking abd using I had to learn how to feel all over again. Well its been great. after all we are human I enjoy feelings ( idont care for the bad ones though) trying to hold the garbage in for me always lead to an explosion. feel nature and life feel your feelings do not be afraid of them. that can be hard to do. God be with you and yours