(((((dirt69))))) So, so sorry you're having such a struggle & feel after all this you are dipping again.

Except for a couple close calls, I've been able to avoid the hospital. So please excuse my ignorance here on some questions.
Don't know how long you stay each time but don't they see you are cycling or not understand it when you tell them? After 4 times you have got to be beyond exhausted. Is there some aftercare or day hosp when you get out, therapy?

You say you usually go in after doing something stupid. Again, after 4 times, hasn't semone picked up on how the cycling affects your personal life, between hospitalizations? Maybe I'm confused on your situation?

Hopefully this dip won't lead to anything that would have you cycling.
Sending many good thoughts your way & keep posting.