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Thank you Gr3tta. I've been working so hard on figuring this out, it consumes my every thought it seems. It's just been such a chaotic life, such an abusive, downhill, muddy life that has caused everything to do haywire. For a while I ignored everything, kind of went into auto pilot for some years. Stared blankly all the time, was in my own little world so to speak. Once I didn't need that auto pilot anymore, once I was safe out of the abuse, the emotions came back and are showing me I really can't just push it all to the back and forget about it. These things really do cause serious problems. Knowing that, I really want to be "normal" as some call it... Normal to me, I want to be emotionally stable, I want to be financially stable, I want to be confident, not anxious and I want co consciousness, (or the blackouts/dissociation to be figured out basically so I don't have to lose time so much and be so confused all the time) I've spent hours upon hours upon hours reflecting and trying to figure out how to fix these on my own but really, I can't. I need help. Hopefully I will get it. $40 an hour is really steep for me only making 8$ an hour, but it would very likely be worth it so I'm hoping the t will call me back. She specializes in PTSD, something I was dx'd with and something that follows some similar patterns as dissociation so hopefully she will know what she's doing and we can get to work. You've been so wonderful Gr3tta, thank you times 100!!!
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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