Hey Purple, i feel like i know what you are going through, and all these posts have been so helpful to me. I'm not "full blown DID" but I have dissociated selves that are usually locked out. DUring "intimate" moments I just dissociate, start to fade out. Jake (my partner) is so patient with me. He recognizes when I am not there and doesn't pursue it further. its been 10 months since we have been physical. I just started doing yoga and it has been interesting. Whenever I seem to be bringing my physical body and my mind and spirit together i begin to dissociate. (i know i'm safe and far from anything sexual so there is no need to go anywhere) When I try to fight dissociation my brain has actually made me faint. How is that for avoidance? My T says "intimacy is your biggest trigger" being emotionally present... not the sexual abuse trauma history which we had been assuming for years.
Anyways, when you get a T, maybe couples therapy will help. Jake and I have been going and we have made so much progress - not physical yet but we'll get there! Turns out he's just as afraid as I am deep down