well im actually going back to the same one i stopped seeing 3 weeks ago. believe it or not. im too afraid of people and am not willing to get a new therapist because im too afraid of people.

i actually didnt give her a chance to tell me my diagnosis i asked her about my last one and demanded a yes or no answer to if i have it. she said "well you do have...." and i stopped her. i also demand she didnt put down anything severe for my insurance. so i dont really know what she thinks and i guess im too afraid to know. but im going back period because im starting school again and i dont know why i even signed up because i dont have any motivation to go and my concentration is severely severely lacking, not really just for school but life in general. ive been told my thoughts arent connected when i talk a lot and that i ramble A LOT and never get to the point. People get very pissed off at me for it and some people have left in mid sentence :/ writing slows things down i guess makes me reread my stuff. though thats not my main issue.

being paranoid in general is prob.

and yes my impulses are extremely bad. i guess i can say now about myself is that im pretty aggressive. i used to never be but for some reason that i seriously dont know ive been more and more aggressive and shorttempered in the past 6 months. i just want to be left alone more because ive been trying to connect the dots about who is after me but the past few weeks i have no motivation to do anything. but that doesnt mean i cant stop.

im just scared
when im in the presence of other people...period.
when your around people. can they read your mind?
what makes it that people can? because right now i have a feeling its me.
i cant even begin to describe or explain. my words are very not good for explaining this
BECAUSE: i can see it in my head. but i cant explain it. i see it. visuallyy

i cant live because im always watched. and its killing me. i feel i have no options because i do feel in fear. and in fear i feel violent intrapersonal and interpersonal