I am stressing so badly right now. I don't understand it, but this stress if triggering flashbacks like mad. It has nothing to do with s*x or anything like, but intimacy b/t me and my husband brings on these incredible flashbacks, and after years of being able to hold them at a distance, I am failing miserably right now. The last few weeks have been utter chaos here - a friend we've been helping has gone swirling down the drain in the midst of her mental illness and it has caused innumerable problems. At my place of business, with my husband, with close friends, at church, and in so many other areas. I love her dearly, but I've had to take my hands completely off where she is concerned. She feels like I have abandoned her, and that guilt is but one more thing added to this giant pot of "effed up'ness." I am not sure how I'm going to go back to work tomorrow. . .I can't get through an hour without trembling, shaking, crying and feeling like I'm going to puke.

Usually, I SI when things get this bad. But I haven't hurt myself in a long time, and I don't want to start back down that road. I have talked to T. . .his advice is to "breathe and wait it out." Yeah, great advice.

"graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"