one thing i did say to her that started the conversation was that she was talking to me about what i have to say and feel is very important so i blurted out not important enough to read it.
she then said so this is the trap you put me in? when you sent me this letter that it is like you are just taking everything you feel is to horrable to communicate exsept for in private unspoken letters and just throwing it at me to deal with. because i feel it is to horrible to say i want her to deal with it.and that doesn't work and the we need to be able to talk and deal with this .that i need to see that it can be spoken and that i will be ok in doing it.i had forgotten she said it felt like a trap that kind of stung .i guess i didn't think of it in those terms because i didn't expect to talk or deal with it at all.i didn't really want her to have a responce.i just wanted her to know.i guess it was kind of a no win situation for her if i am not willing to talk to her about it.i guess it could look like i was just dumping it all on her.