Congrats on 4 days of Clean time. As Gulas said there is no substitute for walking in the door. Big Paraphrase there. The hardest thing I ever did was make my first call to go to an AA meeting. A woman showed up and took me. I did not have to go alone.

Around here NA is the same. If you call someone will come and get you and take you to your first meeting. The phone though can be just as terrifying. I don't know if this is possible for you, but if it is maybe you could try this instead of going alone.

There were refreshments though I could barely hold a cup of coffee. The people were really nice and I was convinced they are were all in on a con. It took me a while to believe they were for real.

I hope you go. You only have to say your name and honestly you don't even have to say that. Listen for what you have in common rather than what is different.

And you never have to go back if you really don't want to.

Good Luck.