Hi, carolr, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

I'm sorry for the difficulties you are going through. I think I know a little about your husband; my brother-in-law was kind of like that to my stepsister. He was a pill to the whole family but she would not get divorced either. I am glad you have a counselor and friend to talk to about your marriage and are working that through.

I don't think it matters "why" you want sex with him; you seem to be aware of your body and the issues with being intimate too soon and it looks to me like you are well on your way to making up your mind what you want to do with that issue. He sounds like a nice man with his willingness to be patient. I, myself, would wait a bit until I had processed my marriage and grieved for what it could have been, etc. and was more sure of my feelings for the new man; it would be just more difficulty to move forward too soon and then realize one was just "using" him.