I was reluctant to try a male T the first time, but I followed the recommendation of someone I trusted, and it worked out well. When I needed to find a new T kind of midway in my process, I deliberately set out to find a female T. That worked out really well.

This time (15 years later), I called the office of the counseling practice in my community that is very well thought of, and said I wanted to see someone who knew something about trauma. I presumed that I would get someone female if I used that buzzword, and was surprised when the receptionist said my T's name. It seemed rude to ask her for another choice. I figured one meeting couldn't hurt, and eventually I just found myself going back.

As I think about it now, I think that I was just ready to do the work, and I could have worked with anybody, male or female. I really like my T and I think he is very skilled in working with me and he really understands me. I appreciate his willingness to engage in a good deal of self disclosure as a way to give me some kind of blueprint for what has worked for him and to connect with him. I came to see him for issues in my marriage that seemed to have a component of unresolved traumatic cr@p. The marital stuff has been mostly worked through and I'm still slogging through the trauma. I don't know if him being a guy was helpful in this process, but I believe so.

I realize that in the past year, I have been much more open to friendships with men than I have been in the past. I have enjoyed my relationship with my T and the fact that he is a guy. Even though I'm surrounded by guys at home and I can sometimes be pissed at all of them at the same time, I like having good men in my life.

In my experience with therapy, there is the work and there are the things that get in the way of the work. Working through the things that are getting in the way of the work is useful, whether these things are ruptures or lack of trust or a perceived inability to open up or whatever. So I don't really think that any of these kinds of barriers are really a reason to choose one gender or another.

Anne