You can't feel because you have to much happening at once and your smart little brain is cushioning your senses. Cutting to try to feel isn't going to help with that at all. It is just adding another stessor on top of all the other stresssors you have to deal with, which makes you even more numb.

I am wondering if it is possible to find a safe place, with a friend who is able let your cry and throw a fit without interfering. If you can find such a place, would it possible to pick one of those stressors and try to feel it? Just one. Not all of it just one. Your friend could keep an eye on you and make sure you don't hurt yourself as you feel this one thing. I am not saying you should do it, I guess I am asking the question out loud to see if you think it would be a good idea for me to do it. I don't know.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft