awesome, blossom! I am glad you didn't have to give up this r/s. even while I was harping on you, it was nagging at the back of my mind that my brother used to tell me that my long-time T was not the right T for me, I was not getting well fast enough - actually, I had no idea what he was talking about, he was being purposely vague and this was in the early 80's. but she had been my lifeline since 1978 and I was not going to give her up, the personal connection meant more to me than any technical skill or knowledge or frankly even rapport - we were not that good a match! But I didn't know what it meant to feel love and acceptance at even the most basic level, so I was pretty much screwed from the get-go. Anyway, I hear ya.