hi splitimage, i want you to know that you aren't alone. i too have ptsd from different things that have happened in my life. mostly from being ill and being in the hospital with prognosis' that were focused on my health/lifespan/ect. so i always find myself thinking of death in one way or another...not that i really mean to or that i think of suicide alot, but when you are constantly bombarded by thoughts of death/the idea of dying, along with major depression, thoughts of suicide appear...not neccesarily of committing suicide, but of wanting a "death" of the depression and ptsd flashbacks, ect. i understand how tired you can feel after working and talking about your ptsd for so long and living with it for so long. thinking of you. sorry i dont have much advice, but i understand. know you aren't alone ♥