Trying to believe what you all are saying.
I talked about this briefly w/ T and know it needs to be revisited at next session.
She suggested I post and say how I was feeling.

I want to believe, somehow. that it wasn't my fault or that I didn't have the tools as a kid to prevent it , stop it or tell about it at the time.

Now I am 37. The abuse is well in the past, but the haunting of it destroys me inside. It creeps in and steals me away all over again. Like it just happened.
I want to run from it. I want to prevent it. But, it happened. If that makes sense. I don't know.
These are the thoughts that go through my head.

And, how can I protect that 12 year old now? She is more then damaged. She is needy and hurting. No one is listening to her. They hear me, the 37 yo and think I am just out of control @ times and it isn't me, it is her.
God, I hate all this!