What helps me is knowing that it is a symptom. When I have the very dark days I keep telling myself that what I am feeling is a symptom of what I have and that the feeling will pass no matter how bad the feeling is. And what helped me a lot is when another member described his/her battle with the same strange darkness and that it is there but could be managed.

I try very hard to think about what it means as far as something the brain does in reaction to somehow struggling with the emotions/anxiety/fear/anger that flood it with confusion. I focus only on each day now and though I don't know what I want to do now, I try very hard to make a conscious decision to just focus on each day.

It is very easy to self blame for some reason when the pathway is broken in front of us. I think that often we come to know that we cannot control life, it just happens and often it is hard when things happen that hurt us deeply in someway.

While I know that thought is there, I do try to push through that and tell myself not to be so hard on myself and keep trying. Also, I do think about those that would be truely effected by my decision should I choose to give up. So I remind myself that it would be very selfish for me to not consider what I would leave behind in the minds of others.

All of us here are talking about something we struggle with that is very real to us. As much as we join together and talk about this very troubling deep emotion, because we do discuss it we bring light to it and we recognize we don't struggle with this alone. It is important that we discuss it and even share our ways of getting pass the days when it becomes very strong. Mgran when you speak of being able to let go if your son has someone to love him in his life you must realize that if you do make that choice you WILL present a life long psychological struggle in your son. It is important to know that what can happen is that a family member may feel that there may be a weakness in themselves that will take the same path. So being a good parent is something that you do all your life, every child watches a parent and learns no matter how old they become by the strengths of a parent.

If we can discuss this deep hidden emotion, it is the beginning of acknowledging it is real and efforts will be made to understand what it means better and how to help those of us that truely do struggle. Perhaps it is important to learn how to think about, not that at some point it will be a personal choice that is inevitable, but instead, learn that though it may be a choice, there is also an inner strength that knows that we can also overcome that and accept life instead. And if we do learn how to do this, we can help others do the same.

Open Eyes