Beauflow-

I don't know what I'd be told. I guess a part of me just wants him to acknowledge what he did, ya know? He pleaded not guilty and tried to act like it had never happened, and that hurt. Just having to defend myself and convince a jury and judge that I wasn't lying; that this man did hurt me. I think it was hardest because even my family doubted me. In our case, only my best friend (the man's fiancee) and I knew without a doubt what happened. That hurt. She's the only one that can truly understand what happened because she was in it with me. I also want to know if he was doing a drug at the time that made him act that way. I think he may have used cocaine beforehand, and I want to know if he would have done that to me without the cocaine or if the drugs made him act that way. I just want to know why. I don't know if it would make me feel better, but I know it would give me more to work with as far as my recovery. I've also thought about talking to someone else who had committed a sexual assault like that. I guess I really shouldn't expect him to tell me honestly what was going on, but I desperately want him to. Does that make sense?