I've tried talking to him about the decrease in our sex life, and he just says that he's tired, anxious and doesn't feel particularly sexy. I totally get that...I'm not feeling that hot to trot myself...but I think that at times like this, you need to make some kind of effort. I know that he's down on himself, so I try to plump up his ego in ways that don't make him feel pressured to have sex. If he looks nice on a particular day, I try to compliment him and tell him he looks handsome (rather than hot/sexy). He's confessed to me that his former wife was a bit withholding in the sex department (and later cheated on him while they were in counseling), so I think he's learned to not place too much of an importance on it in relationships. It's not my number one criteria either, but I think it's a part of a normal, healthy relationship. He's from a Muslim culture, so I'm much more open regarding discussions of this nature. Although he's not religious at all (and neither is his family), he did grow up in an environment that is much more conservative.

I'd love to be totally upfront about the computer, but I fear that the ensuing trust issue that he'll have with me will only make things worse. How can he feel attracted to me if he can't trust me...? It's kind of a vicious cycle...due to his lack of interest, I felt insecure and this lead me to my spy session...if I confess to spying, his lack of trust could really put the breaks on our sex life even more....and the cycle will continue. If I'd found evidence of cheating, I'd definitely have to bring it up and make a full confession (and just deal with the consequences)...I wouldn't feel that threatened by the porn if we were having sex (I sometimes look at it if I've had a stressful day and need a little release of tesion), but I'm concerned that he's just trying to spare my feelings when he says that he's too tired/anxious...

I hate that I even looked and would be devastated if any confession I made ended the relationship, especially since I don't ever want to look again (the guilt is definitely not worth it for me).