Sorry I didn't know where to put this so I put it here. I just need to get this out.

I'm sick of feeling like a failure because I'm not in college like the rest of my friends are. My Grandma has asked me to go back to college before she dies. Its her one wish that she hopes to see. See I went to college and I was followed home by 4 homeless men. The cops almost pulled out guns on me when my friends and I are where walking by. They forgot to look for people. I was being made fun of big time because I wasn't like them. You name it I have been called it. My Advisor was horrible she didn't want to help me. So I came home from college. I was already extremely depressed before I went because of something that happened to me before hand. So I was going to go to a community college but I got offered two jobs. I took both of them and I have been working both of every sense I have been back. I just stop working at my other job because I was extremely unhappy there. My friends look at me different because I'm not in college. I want to be something more then this spec on this earth. I have lost myself worth over the past 3 years. Don't get me wrong, I want to be alive. I just don't care what happens to me anymore. I'm so scared of failing at everyhting. I feel like I have let myself done, my family and my friends down. I feel like the biggest disappointment ever. It might sound so stupid but I know people look at me different because of it. I want to help people but thats all I know. I'm scared to take the next step because I don't know where that leads. I just wish I knew what to do. I wish someone would just lend a hand and say "I see your struggling and I know your scared but we'll do this together, if you let me." I'm sick of doing this alone and actting like everything is okay because its not aloud to show your feelings. I'm sick of the lonely path that I have been on. The things that I feel but don't let know. I'm sick of being scared,alone and feeling worthless.

Sorry just needed to get this out.