I have never spoken/written about it before but I do relate to what you have said and wanted you to know you are not alone.

I have never wanted to be a boy either. I used to wear really tight revealing clothing but somehow I felt like a fake. Now I prefer baggy clothes (maybe thats also to cover up my body) and even for work some days I think I look like a boy. I dont feel comfortable in my skin at all. I'm not sure I ever have. When I wear a skirt or heels I feel like a man in drag so I dress down as much as possible. I dont want to be a male but I dont feel like a woman either. I feel very confused, ashamed, embarrassed. For me its one of the most shameful things to bring up in therapy. Something just doesnt feel right. I really don't understand it at all. I'm not ready to bring this up in therapy so it shall remain yet another dark secret for me.

Sorry I don't have anything useful to say but I just wanted you to know you are not alone