I wish I had come across this post earlier.

I lost my abuser in 2009 and literally did not know how to feel about it.

Right now I don't want to miss her at all, but I do.

I loved her.

I needed her.

I depended on her.

And she did not want me to exist and she took advantage of me.

How can I grieve her loss?

I didn't even have her!

And when she was going, she did not even want me to miss her. She got angry at me.

A loss within a loss.

thanks for this.

This is not so unusual.

Billi