Yes, Larry, I think you are right, the sense of unfairness can overshadow our good deeds for parents. When someone volunteers for strangers, there isn't the emotional connectedness, so to speak. There sure aren't family dynamics then. It's purely our own decision.

When it comes to family, then, it's "expected" and we often strangle ourselves with the "shoulds" and "musts" and the expectations from family...

I don't think it's a good thing to feel like you HAVE to do for family...though the family probably doesn't feel that way. You have permission to say no, ok? You are an adult, they are too. You must do self care FIRST. Family won't understand, so don't expect them to... most ppl don't anyway.

Once you find yourself saying no more often, and working through any guilt they might try to put on you (whether verbally or from subconscious programming still running) ... then you will have times when you really want to help... not because you're "suppose" to to be a good son, or because they expect it... but because you have been able to take care of yourself, and are able to give some back willingly.

But it's ok to say no if you need to. TC