Hey everyone,

I just want to get this out, hehe... probably be extremely boring but anyway....

A Few people know my story around here... for those of you who are interested, briefly, I started having panic attacks when I was on a jury for a horrible case.... and developed GAD after that... it has only been about three months, so its not really a disorder at this point, by my feelings and experiences all point to GAD. I dont have panic attacks at all anymore, just persistant thoughts of going crazy, and am in a pretty anxious state all the time....

at the beginning, was on prozac and valium.. got off them, because I hate meds, and they made me really really out of it... worse than I feel normally, hehe....

So anyway.. recently, I have gone off the deep end again, all of a sudden I lost the plot and have been really bad for the past few days.... before this was doing so well, almost anxiety free. Saw my psychiatrist and she has told me I need medication again, so am now on Lexapro... really didnt want to do it, but she insisted It to keep the anxiety symptoms under control.... so not happy about that........ have also had my psycholohgist appointments cancelled because when i come home from them, I am way way worse for days... have no idea why...

Anyway... I am really worried about a new thing i have been experiencing.... I count everything in my head all the time, or a song will go around in my head... if I am walking I count steps etc.... but the weird thing is that with OCD, from what I know, most people act out the thought, like they have to do something a number of times to feel ok... i dont have any of that at all... I never feel the need to do anything a certain number of times... this is really scaring me, I dont want to have OCD on top of anxiety....

Before all this anxiety stuff happened I kinda did it anyway, wasnt ever a problem.... I was thinking, maybe I am still the same, like this isnt something new, but because of my anxiety I am just making it more that it really is?? Does anyone think that could be it? I have no idea, and I dont really want to tell anyone bout it, psychiatrist etc....

One more question hehe.... does anyone always feel out of it? like the world is going on, but u arent really there, u try to feel like u are, but u just cant, like a cloud or a brick wall always there.... hard to explain.. almost like a cloudy feeling constantly....

That was probably extremely boring and irrelevent, hehe... but anyway.. if anyone has any ideas or they do this themselves, could you please tell me I am not crazy!!

Thanks

Kel