nmlr, have you ever been intherooms.com? i go there and i like it a lot. lots of good recovery and LOTS of mamas in your shoes or who have been there or been close (i've gotten quite close to the beginnings of losing my kids due to my raging issues...).

hang in there. stay sober. work your program. keep doin' what you are doin'. you will get them back. they are YOUR children. i feel so much for you and those kids right now. i'm so sorry you are going thru this. you and they need compassion and support not anomosity and to be alienated.