Thanks.

I think a lot of it is that using messes up your sleep patterns. It takes awhile to get them back to normal, but I have no idea how long. I'm pretty sure I've been clean long enough that it shouldn't be affecting my sleep patterns anymore. But I'm exhausted all the time and feel like my sleep quality is terrible (although all my tracking thingies tell me that it's not really changed.)

The other thing is that when I was using, I had pretty much dreamless sleep. Now I have these incredibly vivid and often overwhelmingly emotional or distressing dreams every night. I always remember them; I can remember scenes in full detail and they trigger the same emotional response. I wake up in the middle of the night crying sometimes, and when I wake in the morning there are residual emotional after-effects. Often the content of the dreams is stuff that's easily interpretable, e.g. last night it was all about work/life balance and the guilt from not keeping up on domestic responsibilities, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier. It makes me not want to sleep at all, which is not a good response either because it makes me hypomanic.

I don't know what to make of this. I guess I'll talk to my therapist about it some more next week.