First of all Shipping, Welcome to Psych Central. The people here are wonderful and will hopefully rally around with some answers, courage and support. I am Bipolar and BPD and they have been wonderful to me with my questions and concerns.
Reading over your letter I am struck by the amount of adversity you have been through, how strong you are and how you continue to struggle in spite of everything that has been thrown your way. What a wonderful example you are to other people! I dont think you're whining at all. The pain of RA is nothing to whine about. How are your doctors treating it - with medications? If so, are they giving you any relief at all? There are meds that will at least lessen the severity of the pain.
I know how you feel regarding your career. I used to be a nurse - i loved it, and it was my life outside of my family. Because of my mental health issues. I had to stop working on medical floors, which was my specialty (stroke, emergency). I am now back in school for psychology, hoping to return to nursing when I graduate as a psych nurse. My meds keep me stable. But I've developed a severe condition in my hands that causes contractures that may keep me from ever returning - docs cant figure out what is wrong. So I kinda know how you feel.
My only advice? You sound like an incredibly strong optimistic person who has thought out multiple options. Don't let go of that and let depression take hold, because that will drag you down very fast. Keep ahold of your determination as far as your dreams and your life and career is concerned. You sound like you can do anything you put your mind to.
As far as whining is concerned, I'm sure that's not how your family and friends look at it. If you feel like you're whining, come here and post, or join the chat line. The chat rooms are great for letting off steam. The people there are really friendly, concerned, helpful, will talk about anything and give virtual hugs when people need to whine or are in pain.They're also very patient with slow typists as alot of people in the chat rooms also have physical problems. So come chat.
Feel free to get in touch if you need to. Best of luck and lots of hugs!