So I don't know exactly where this should go so if it needs to be moved, please do.

When I 1st started posting here I was talking about how I felt the need to talk to my teacher on a personal level. I obsess over finding a mother figure & I became drawn to her. I never had a mother & every person who I looked up to as a mother figure has abandoned/rejected me. I was having the hardest time getting myself to tell her how I was feeling. Me not being able to do so & constantly having rambling thoughts of talking to her gave me anxiety really bad. It wasn't to the point of anxiety attacks but just about near.

Well after months of going back & forth with self, I finally decided to write her a letter. It took me a lil while to show her, but this week I did. She didn't say anything, but just gave me a big hug & then later told me I could talk to her about anything after me saying that I keep saying I want to talk but don't know what to say. I thought giving her that letter would ease my anxiety of her but it has only increase. My heart starts racing now for some reason 8\

So I showed her a txt that I was writing saying "I thought letting you read the letter would ease my anxiety, but it didn't." She didn't say anything but gave me this I don't know sound. Then her son walked in & they hugged each other like they haven't seen one another in such a long time. So you know that tore me up inside. I envy that...I envy the affection & love she shows toward her sons because I never received that from my mom.

So now this obsession is on expanding. I can't stop thinking of her...I even dream of her. I've he dreams of talking to her & last night I had a dream that she asked if I wanted to come stay with her. I feel crazy for obsessing over someone like this. I don't know what to do to stop & my anxiety just keeps coming back...even now as I type this.

I was thinking about writing her another letter but I feel stupid that I can't just talk to her. She already told me I could, but I feel like I can't. I don't want her to be annoyed about me writing letters. I need help...I don't want to have these thoughts & I don't want to have this anxiety 8(