Kel, Alot of it sounds familiar too me. One thing I found with the pdoc appointments is sometimes the more work you do during the more exhausting and down you can feel afterwards. It is alot to deal with during the appointment it can leave you with alot of thoughts after. If you did not feel something afterwards then I would say you would not need it. I too hate taking meds and have to really force myself too. But I know if I don't in the long run it will effect me.
I think you should talk to your doc about the "out of it feeling" and the number and song thing in your head. I have OCD but with my Bipolar those are some of the things I was feeling......Not saying you are but it is something worth checking out. I hope you reschedule your appointments hon.
HUGS
Cher