It was a rough session with a super-rough ending.

The good and the bad:

• I didn't freak out in the waiting room, despite forgetting my iPod.
• T said he'd be able to fit me in for twice monthly appointments and I now have 2 future appts scheduled. (I know this was something I needed to ask for, but I get no credit, as he read between the lines and offered.)
• T asked me if he could schedule me for a Pdoc appointment. I declined. I am meds-phobic. I should probably work on this.
• T tried to help me come up with a plan of what I wanted to achieve in therapy. I'm a little blurry on this part of the session. I know he kept asking me what I wanted from therapy and at one point I had two answers and tossed them both aside and blurted out "I don't know" instead.
• T also explained to me that in order for therapy to work I needed to find a way to let go of this thing I am doing where I am trying to push him away. This may be the hardest thing I do in therapy. I have moments where I don't even want to change this behavior. I see the need to change it, so I still have a little bit of hope.
• T gave me several printouts on change and emotional maturity. I haven't managed to bring them in from my car yet.
• T and I had a giant misunderstanding right before I left. He kept saying I could call and I kept telling him I'd never call. I was trying to tell him that I hate the phone and don't call anyone if I can help it. He responded by asking me if I was telling him we were done with therapy. I blew up. Sometimes when a patient says they won't call, they mean they WON'T CALL ON THE PHONE. No secret meaning. It was not a good ending. I am trying hard to remember that it is a misunderstanding. I stormed out. I did wait for him to open the door for me though.