thanks for all your comments. i don't know what is wrong with me. i just cannot feel comfortable being gay. it does not appeal to me at all and i do not fit in anywhere. and, i feel like i am not in control of my life. my T has explained that my parents never taught me how to deal with adversity and were not there for me emotionally. consequently, when something goes wrong, i fall apart. i am going to talk to my T tomorrow about the possibility of me being bipolar. perhaps treatment for that can help.