I also wanted to add, being assertive doesn't mean being mad - its means being firm. It also doesn't do any good at all to mention or show you're upset when you discover he peed when you were out. Why? because your pet doesn't remember once he peed hours ago. I used to think before I crate trained Bella, that crates were mean - but they're wonderful in potty training. My dog rarely uses her crate anymore, but I still have it in the house. She likes her crate so much that she goes and lays in it - its her cozy den. I used to put her there when we went away and now when she sees us leaving, she puts herself in the crate...its so cute. Dogs really strive to please their owners and this is a misunderstanding. Its also helpful to thoroughly clean any spots - because they're habitual. Good luck Melissa - this can be a wonderful experience.