So glad that you went! Sorry it felt like a rough session. Am a bit surprised that he took you saying you'd never call as you threatening to end therapy. I understand about feeling ambivalent about whether you want to stop pushing T away. In schema therapy this mode is called the 'detached protector' and it is there because it was useful for survival in the past. So it's totally understandable if part of you still feels like you need it, or it's still helpful...