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Jan 13, 2012, 05:45 PM
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Member Since: May 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 1,309
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Rohag, that's EXACTLY what I am, extremely paranoid over more loss and rejection. Horrifyingly so. So much so that I feel I have to reject others before they reject me, as soon as I start to feel like they're gonna reject me, I push them away and back off.
It is an accomplishment, the engagement. I proposed to David because I felt that he would be just the rock that I needed to keep me steady and so far, he has. He has his bad days too and we fall out for a few minutes but soon apologise and sort it out. We never have bad fall outs, we don't argue, we just disagree and go to separate places (physically or mentally) to calm down and finally come to an agreement of some sort. I understand that David struggles too and I know that I can be a blank sheet of paper sometimes when it comes to showing emotion so it's hard for David to tell that I'm not okay.
Usually it helps if he asks "Is it this?" Until I say yes or eventually just break and cry...
The substance lying behind them is that people are constantly relying on me, specifically one person. I've just told him that I cannot help him right now, that I need time to myself to deal with myself and heal, but he just will NOT listen! Plus, I feel alone with all my issues so in the end I just block them out and let them build up until I explode. Then I'm just a big mess like I am now.
My God, this kid will not listen to me no matter what I say 
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