I had a really really hard session today. I dissociated twice, big time, and the first time T said he found it hard to call me back. Usually he only has to say my name and I get back, but this time he had to say it three times. Even then it took me a long time to realise where i was, he said. The second time I was trying to work out where elsie had gone.

It's still a very frightening experience for me. We talked about how impossible I find it to get my others to access the grounding skills and CBT stuff. Still haven't come up with a solution to that one. But he did say that, from today, he worked out that I am more likely to dissociate when operating on high emotional intensity, and that maybe I can use that to help to recognise the signs and take steps to stay in the now when that is important.

I have felt disorientated and confused all day. Teaching this afternoon was so hard - I was on sucvh a short fuse. Plus there was a lot of pressure fromt he need to prepare for an interview for another job I have on MOnday. I needed to leave cover and I found it impossible to find time to do that. Thena fter schoool was the sponsored school run, so all the students were high anyway and I have jsut got home from that (it's 9.15pm here). I'm tired and I felt like I was losing control at the end of the day. I know it was important for the others to say what they did today, and my T said he understood a lot from what they said, but I still don't want that to happen. I'm so confused.