...but in all honesty I am scared how mad God will be. I want to go to heaven so badly but I am so scared that if I take my life I will not go to heaven. So this is the reason why I have not taken my life long ago. I think about it all the time. I am lonely, I feel like a loser, I have never been in love or married. I am attracted to the wrong guys. I can't keep a job cause of my mental condition (see my profile it list all that i have) and I am 38 years old.
I don't understand why God will not allow me to take my life.
I have nothing here, I want to be dead so badly, so very badly.
I am sorry for being such a depressant, really I am. I just had to get this out.
Thanks for reading.