((((((((((((Caroline)))))))))) Sorry you are having a hard time in therapy.

When I was with SKR she was told by a DID specialist not to try and "call me back" if I am fully dissociated into a memory piece. The idea was basically because that profession believes that I was triggered into that memory piece for a reason. If we did not know the reason/trigger then it would keep happening, and as long as the trigger (whatever it was that was making me uncomfortable to the point of dissociating) existed and as long as I felt upset about that trigger I would remain in my la la land and the associated piece of memory would continue to replay. So instead of fighting a losing battle of having trouble "calling me back" out of that piece of memory she was told to use it as an opportunity to ask questions about what was going on at that moment. If the questions matched something in that piece of memory I would be able to answer her. Then once she knew what the memory was and the trigger we had a way to take care of the situation and me by using grounding, drawing and so on to help me to stay aware and start remembering what that memory is, when I was later exposed to that same trigger on puropose.

From then on no matter what memory piece I was triggered into SKR just continued on with what we were doing. She knew from the professional point of view it was impossible for me to come out of it until I felt safe and comfrotable and she also knew that it was impossible for a DID person to remain as a memory piece forever. Eventually that person will calm down and come out of their mental safe place.

So for us we didn't worry about if I dissociated during therapy. It was up to me to hold on and keep answering her questions as long as I could, but if I dissociated that was fine too because we were working the trigger route of locating the triggers, and using them to help me to remember the memories while I was aware.

I think of it kind of like a person sleeping. eventually no matter what you do the person is going to fall asleep and no matter what you do that person one so tired they are not going to wake up. So you might as well use the time to get other work around the house done.

The aim in my therapy plan is to remain aware but I know there are times when it is still impossible for me to do so, so while the piece of memory is replaying why not get the other work of the therapist finding out all the information that she can.

My present therapist LL also does not "call me back". If she did she would tell me. What she has told me is things like - "you just went somewhere" or "Me" and I had a great time while you were gone" and then goes into some detail of what she found out.

Doing things this way I have no fears about whether or not I dissociate during therapy and I don't get upset about it if I do. SKR and LL and I all have the attitude of I dissociated for years so its going to take possibly years to get thing straighened out and if I dissociate during therapy I dissociate if I don't, I don't. Just another day in therapy either way.

Talk with your therapist. let him know it scares you when he tells you he is having trouble calling you back. So that you two can develop a plan that will help you feel safer and less uncomfortable during therapy and so on.